Tara (ravenclawed) wrote,

My own Skippy List

Things Agent Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In NCIS

Agent Leonard Schwarz (Skippy to his friends and enemies) has been with NCIS for six years now and has been keeping track of everything he has been expressly told not to do. If you're wondering why he's still employed, Gibbs thinks he's amusing (some of the time).

1. Not allowed to picket Air Force One with an anti-Bush sign while Gibbs is on said airplane.

2. Not allowed to picket Air Force One with an anti-Bush sign even when Gibbs is not on said airplane.

3. Not allowed to mention any of Gibbs's ex-wives again unless I want to end up as balast in Gibbs's boat.

4. Not allowed to say that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are "War, Famine, Pestilence, and Gibbs."

5. Even though Abby wants me to put it on a t-shirt.

6. And Tony said he'd buy one.

7. Not allowed to have a farting contest with Bert the Hippo. (He always wins anyway.)

8. Not allowed to drink seemingly abandoned coffee as it is invariably Gibbs's.

9. Not allowed to flirt with Abby while Gibbs is in the same room.

10. Or on the same floor.

11. Or in the same building.

12. Or in the same city.

13. Not allowed to quote CSI during an investigation.

14. Not allowed to quote CSI, period.

15. Not allowed to give Gibbs a bracelet engraved with the words "What Would Grissom Do?"

16. Not allowed to drive a government car unless every other member of the team is incapacitated, and even then I must get approval from the Director in triplicate.

17. Not allowed to smack Tony on the back of the head.

18. Even if he deserves it.

19. Not allowed to have Gibbs's rules tattooed on my forehead.

20. Or any other part of my person.

21. Not allowed to play "King of the Mountain" on Gibbs's desk.

22. Or any other desk.

23. Not allowed to sell evidence on Ebay.

24. Not allowed to ask FBI Agent Fornell how Mulder and Scully are doing.

25. Not allowed to hit on newly-widowed wives of military personnel.

26. No matter how hot they look in black.

27. If Tony says, "Yes" and Gibbs says, "No," listen to Gibbs.

28. If the Director says, "No" and Gibbs says, "Yes," listen to Gibbs.

29. Loaded water pistols have no place in the interrogation room.

30. Not allowed to attempt to read minds during interrogations.

31. Not allowed to attempt to read minds period.

32. Not allowed to refill Abby's Kaf-Pow cups with decaf unless I "want to die a slow, painful death."

33. Not allowed to tell Gibbs that his mustache makes him look like an over-the-hill Tom Selleck.

34. Not allowed to update this list on government time.

Any and all NCIS fans out there are more than welcome to add to this list. It is, of course, inspired by the original Skippy List.
Tags: ncis
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